Post by Kender on Sept 2, 2005 14:14:20 GMT -5
i'm sitting here trying to get a grip on my angsity. Has anyone had an angsity attack. its painful. your heart feels like it wants to explode out of your chest and you feel sick to your stomich. you feel like you cant breath even thou you are. its brought on by Stress. i woke up this morning feeling like this. its understandable given the cercumstances. My mother died yesterday.
She loved Barry Manilow so much. He was her favoret performer. I wanted to take her to go see him live. She would have enjoyed it so much. I miss her so much. i took her for granted...that she would always be there. She would call me and i wouldnt answer sometimes. She would leave a message for me to call her back and i never would... Then she stopped calling and i didnt notice. i didnt f*cking notice!
My mother had a difficult life. very unfair. She was mentaly ill. A delutional schizophrenic. thus taking way her body and mind. Her exhusband stole her money for years only to in the end cheat on her and divorce her. leaving her with litteraly nothing. her daughters all but ignored her at times. Even with all this she never held a grudge. She was smartest person i new. when my sister and i where growing up. she would go without things so that my sister and i would get whatever we needed...or wanted at times. She was a person full of light. Even at her last moments...when she was coming home with Meg. Mommys main concern was not being able to help Meg with lilly. She never thought of herself. she was full of so much good. The only compleatly good person i know. so untainted by all her hardships.
Even now she is being overlooked. My dad is going out of town, with the female dog he cheated on my mother with and married... to see that chodes family. our sister Julie isnt even going to come for the funeral...because her cat has a cold. Rob..my sisters husband doesnt wanna take the time off work. important people in my mothers life, people she loved and they cant find the time to just go to her f*cking funeral.
am i angry? yes. at myself but expessualy at julie and my dad. my mom is family and they cant find the time for her even now. My dad is still my dad... but julie... i dont like julie all that much. she is my half sister and she is family so i love her in that respect... but i dont like WHO she is and would rather not have her around.
She loved Barry Manilow so much. He was her favoret performer. I wanted to take her to go see him live. She would have enjoyed it so much. I miss her so much. i took her for granted...that she would always be there. She would call me and i wouldnt answer sometimes. She would leave a message for me to call her back and i never would... Then she stopped calling and i didnt notice. i didnt f*cking notice!
My mother had a difficult life. very unfair. She was mentaly ill. A delutional schizophrenic. thus taking way her body and mind. Her exhusband stole her money for years only to in the end cheat on her and divorce her. leaving her with litteraly nothing. her daughters all but ignored her at times. Even with all this she never held a grudge. She was smartest person i new. when my sister and i where growing up. she would go without things so that my sister and i would get whatever we needed...or wanted at times. She was a person full of light. Even at her last moments...when she was coming home with Meg. Mommys main concern was not being able to help Meg with lilly. She never thought of herself. she was full of so much good. The only compleatly good person i know. so untainted by all her hardships.
Even now she is being overlooked. My dad is going out of town, with the female dog he cheated on my mother with and married... to see that chodes family. our sister Julie isnt even going to come for the funeral...because her cat has a cold. Rob..my sisters husband doesnt wanna take the time off work. important people in my mothers life, people she loved and they cant find the time to just go to her f*cking funeral.
am i angry? yes. at myself but expessualy at julie and my dad. my mom is family and they cant find the time for her even now. My dad is still my dad... but julie... i dont like julie all that much. she is my half sister and she is family so i love her in that respect... but i dont like WHO she is and would rather not have her around.
